I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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