wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
