First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
