Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
