I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
