God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
