so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
