he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
