I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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