Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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