Christians are straight up FREAKS
Nicole vs. Life
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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