There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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