ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What a dumb baby whore.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
