is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
