I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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