I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize