My boss' voice literally gives me gas
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
