What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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