well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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