i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
