3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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