dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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