The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This is not my ceiling
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
