can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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