Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize