I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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