Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
