; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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