he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
