I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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