Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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