its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
