My liver just broke up with me...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
