At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We are two peas in an std pod
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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