Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
