i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
