I'm lost and stupid without you.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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