Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
