hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
