Im at strip club and am horny
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
