i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
