How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
