Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
