this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize