I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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