Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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