I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
