i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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