Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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