I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
