I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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