Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
