we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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