is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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