I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
