Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
