If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
