I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If I die, sorry about rent.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
