ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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