College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
