I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
