She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
