now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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