I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
