can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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