Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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