So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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