No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
