Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
