Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
