Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
