good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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