oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
