i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
