my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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