if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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