you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
